What Cosmo teaches woman

by Philippa Gerrard

The magazine aisle is a minefield.

Is it too much to ask for a publication which not only intelligently covers current affairs, but includes a few features, an interview – with someone who is not Katie Price – and maybe a technology, fashion or cookery section?

Cosmo, offering advice to ladies on everything from fashion to celebrities. (image courtesy of BP blog)

Apparently, it is. The woman standing beside me in Tesco obviously agrees. She slouches a little over her trolley as she surveys the scene. Her drooling baby happily destroys a child’s magazine from further up the aisle. The woman’s eyebrows knit together as she concentrates on the cover of Heat and a short sniff escapes her nose. Finally, she pries it out of its tightly packed slot and deposits it into the trolley. Four other magazines, seemingly selected at random, are violently thrown into the trolley before she waddles from the aisle.

From antiques and animals to holidays and exercise, the variety is almost excessive. With all the choice, it is impressive that some magazines in particular enjoy so much popularity. Published in thirty five different languages, Cosmopolitan is an example of this and is the largest-selling young woman’s magazine in the world. But why is it so popular?

Cosmopolitan is published once a month and covers a whole range of issues: from how to get a boyfriend to how to keep a boyfriend... But be careful, it does not discriminate. Cosmo is written for all healthy, straight, unmarried women in their twenties with disposable income. Read on to discover some life-changing wisdom from between its glossy pages.

1. At least once a month you should opt to get molten wax poured over the most sensitive areas of your body - then ripped off. That way you can keep alive the unrealistic expectations men have for women.
2. Everyone feels insecure about their body. Oh, you don’t? You didn’t know you had to be? Well, you do. And here is why.
3. You have to buy Starbucks on Monday because it is the only way you are going to get through your office job.
4. You should buy Starbucks on Tuesday because you worked so hard on Monday and you deserve it.
5. You must buy Starbucks on Wednesday because it’s Humpday!
6. Buy Starbucks on Thursday because you’re fierce.
7. But you should not buy Starbucks on Friday because if you cut out one cup a week – you can buy shoes later!
8. All men are immature cavemen from outer space.
9. Everything men say or do can (and will) be decoded and analysed.
10. All men want is to use you, hurt you and abuse you. But you need one to complete you as a person.

So thank you, Cosmopolitan, without your guidance woman may even have started to feel adequate.